I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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