So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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