On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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