can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
