Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He did a backflip because drugs
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
