I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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