He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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