So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Shame - the story of my life.
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