so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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