do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
