i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
