I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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