I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
