It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
