So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
