My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
