so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
