Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
