Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
