Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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