I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
dude i'm inner monologue high
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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