So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
