I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
