I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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