before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
