real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
