her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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