hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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