I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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