I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
