Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
