I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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