Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
