"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
