3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
