one might say we're banned from that church
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
