Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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