yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
