there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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