Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
