Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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