My first STD was from a foam party
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
