i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
