i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
