haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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