She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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