I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
