Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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