a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just forgot I was standing up.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
