Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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