i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
