all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The adults are the big ones right?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
